I'm riding the trax from Gallivan Plaza to Sandy station. Directly across from me: freshman, blond, big tits, typical utah valley girl. Next to her is sergeant Ricks, next to me is some other girl not worthy of observation, and behind us...sits a whole circus of retards. Now, just behind the tard gathering at the end of the car is a retard standing with her bike, her kind of looks like a child tried to shave a marmalade colored cat: its shaved down to the skin on the sides up to just behind the ears, then it goes to about a 1/4 inch gard up until the same point on the corresponding side of her head, and the top is long and pulled back in a uneven length pony tail. Kind of a Death Metal meets "the step side mullet" look.
Now instead of standing with her bike flush against the back of the car, as instructed on the sign posted on the train, rockertard has her bike perpendicular to it and protruding into the aisle. Had rockertard known how to read, the situation that ensued might have been avoided. Unfortunately, fate is a cruel bitch and the train took a gentle left, throwing the fattest member of Jerry's kids onto the floor and into rockertard's bike.
Now, this could of ended here with a good laugh from everyone on the train. However, fatard insisted that she was paralyzed and could not get up, although I didnt see her make even a minor attempt to do so, other than one in which pushed her chubby palms to the floor at the length of her arms and immediately decided that her arms were too short to genie her ass back into the seat, so therefore it must be paralysis(she was moving her goddamn legs for christ sake!) By this time, the retard ring leader(ringtard), who i think was a tard to a lesser degree, jumps in and hits the emergency button on the train, telling the operator that fatard has "fallen and she cant get up." The operator informs ringtard that the train will be stopping at the next station to look fatard over and see if they can dislodge her from the car.
Everyone on the train paled when they heard this, we all had other buses to catch, and were now positive that any hope for getting there on time minds well have been abandoned. The train stops and the operator pokes his fat mustached head in, looks at the tard, asks some half assed questions he probably got from watching ER, and decides that it would be best not to move fatard(most likely so he could avoid a back injury) until we get a whole goddamn team of paramedics to do so. Good thing this was a REAL crisis, because im sure people with real injuries would be shit out of luck for getting a paramedic squad as fast as fat tard did. Luckily for us it wasnt for to more stops.
Inbetween to initial diagnosis of fatard, and the removal of fatard, even more amusing behavior ensued. A negro: approximately 6'2", black nylon doo-rag, tattered checkered shirt, dark shades and impressive braids, stood at the back of the train with HIS bike flush against the back of the car. He turns to rockertard and makes the polite suggestion that she place her bike flush with his so further mayhem may be avoided. Rockertard mumbles the objection, "yeah but..." and is promptly cut off. "Yeah but what," booms the negro. The rockertards replies, "Kiss my ass." The negro replies, "Bitch I'm gonna kick yo ass!" Luckily for rockertard we arrive at the station where the paramedics lie in wait to scuttle fatard's butt off to safety, and hopefully out of all our lives for good.
The paramedics say "this will only take five minutes." It takes damn near 20. Needless to say I missed my bus and ended up waiting an hour for the next one. You called it Oz, way to go buddy.